i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
