This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
