I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
