i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
