Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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