how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
