i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
