Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
