I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Im part way to drunk.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
