you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
