How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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