I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
