fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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