I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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