haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
