you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
