I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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