Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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