There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
