if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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