You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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