i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
