Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize