I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
