How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The Olympian is in my bed
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
