It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
