The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Sext me about skeletons
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
