My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
