my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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