That's intense
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
