Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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