so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
