She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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