True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
