he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
