Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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