im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
