he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
