moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Acid is not a monday night drug
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
