Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
