I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
