it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
