If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize