So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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