Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
