I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
