im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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