smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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