We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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