You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
All I want is dick and wine.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
