so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
