i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
