Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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