I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
