woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
