I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
