First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
