I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
