yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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