Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
