haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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