i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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