I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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