bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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