the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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