I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize