Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
