It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
