I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
