I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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