If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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