I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
