He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
